Archive for June, 2006

This Friday on the Ten…

It’s the promised Ten! You know the drill. If you know the artist and the song, drop the answer into the comments. Share and enjoy.

  1. “She wears her satins like a lady, she gets her way just like a child.”
  2. “To a girl’s guitar, they’re just another good vibration.”
  3. “This garden is our home, dear, and I got nowhere else to go.”
  4. “You swear and you curse ‘cause your rhyming ain’t clean.”
  5. “So don’t deny me, baby – not while you’re in my reach.”
  6. Paul Simon, “Diamonds in the Soles of Her Shoes” [Thud] – “She makes the sign of a teaspoon, he makes the sign of a wave.”
  7. Rod Stewart, “The Motown Song” [Fred] – “We’ll put the speakers in the window and we’ll go on the roof and listen to the Miracles….”
  8. “She got everything, including my old car.”
  9. “Yeah, I’m through with sleeping on the sidewalk.”
  1. “They said she’s out there working for the wages of her sin.”

Friday, June 30th, 2006

Define “Lost.”

Because we all know that no speech is good speech, everybody is shocked – shocked, I say! – to see that the Son of the Revenge of the Flag Burning Amendment Part II was defeated in the Senate by a margin of one vote.

The amendment’s advocates have been promoting it for years and had hoped that Republican gains in recent Senate elections would get them to the two-thirds threshold. But three GOP senators broke ranks and provided crucial votes that thwarted the measure.

“Old Glory lost today,” said Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist (R-Tenn.), one of the amendment’s prime backers. “At a time when our armed services are defending America’s freedom in the war on terror, it’s unfortunate that a minority of my colleagues blocked” the proposal.

This would be Bill Frist, supporter of the “strict constructionist” Alito. Because we know that the founding fathers obviously wanted our flag to be taken out of the hands of those durn flag-burners. Dig it, yo – that’s why the copy of the Ten Commandments Ben Franklin smote Thomas Jefferson upside the head with also read “XI: Thou shalt not byrneth yon grande olde flag, or else shalteth thou be smoteth upsyde the headeth by an eldrytch statesman.” 1

I don’t know. I grew up being taught not only to respect the flag, but also what it stood for. And that meant democracy, freedom, and the right of every American to express themselves in any way they saw fit short of a punch to the nose. 2 With that in mind, Old Glory didn’t lose – Old Glory won, because it continues to stand for freedom the way it was intended.

And if that’s too touchy-feely for you, consider the cold hard capitalistic facts – if flag burning is outlawed, there will be fewer jobs in the flag manufacturing industry. After all, your “protect-the-flag” patriot may buy one flag every 15 years to replace their old flag when it gets tattered. Your avid flag-burner, however, is a repeat customer, because flags are really only good for a single burning. Isn’t this an example of capitalism at work? What does Frist have against American business, anyway? Flag makers have a right to make a profit, too.

While we’re on the subject, there’s one more thing that I would like to address.

A recent CNN poll showed 56% of Americans favor an amendment that would pave the way for a ban on flag burning, and all 50 states have passed resolutions asking Congress for such a measure to ratify.

“Who gets the final word — five justices on the Supreme Court or we the people?” asked Sen. John Cornyn (R-Texas)

Oo! Oo! Me! I know the answer! Call on me!

The answer is, (A). Five justices on the Supreme Court. Because that’s the way it was structured.

And the idea that 56% of people want an amendment to ban flag burning matters naught. You know why it doesn’t matter?

72% of Americans feel that medical marijuana should be legal, but the federal government continues to support and order raids on medical marijuana growers in states where medical marijuana is legal under state law.

I think that if we’re going on the poll numbers, then legalization of medical marijuana should be a much higher priority than an anti flag burning amendment.

1 In other historical finds, beneath Abraham Lincoln’s beard there was no chin – there was only another fist.

2 And anybody who wishes to argue that burning the flag is a punch in the nose has obviously never been punched in the nose. Trust me, there’s a difference.

Wednesday, June 28th, 2006

How can you have any pudding…

This Friday there will be another ten. Not that anybody ever actually guesses the songs.

Speaking of which, the last two tens are open for guessing until Friday. The last one has three out of ten songs identified, and the one before that only has one.

Wednesday, June 28th, 2006

We take you now to the Governor’s mansion…

It appears that Gov. Schwarzenegger 1 has decided that the “lot, lot of favors” that he asked for from the Bush administration doesn’t justify turning the California National Guard into Dubya’s personal border force. (link via TalkLeft)

The National Guard Bureau, an arm of the Pentagon, asked for the troops to help with the border-patrol mission in New Mexico and Arizona, but Schwarzenegger said the request would stretch the California Guard too thin in case of an emergency or natural disaster.

Of course, I immediately imagined how this would look in the inevitable big-screen flick based on the life of the man once known as Arnold Strong.

GOVERNOR ARNOLD holds the handset of a red phone. From the other end of the line comes the smug, self-assured voice of PRESIDENT BUSH.

BUSH
They’re really givin’ us a pummelin’ down there, Arnie. I could sure use some help keepin’ them Mexicans from comin’ over here and livin’ off our welfare state. Not to mention the boost it’d give to my approval ratin’s right now.

Arnold hesitates, unsure.

ARNOLD
I don’t know, Mr. President. We’ve got a lot, lot of problems here in California. Not to mention we have major urban areas built right across fault lines. What would happen if a major earthquake hit and all of our national guard were on border patrol?

BUSH
Well, now, don’ worry your pretty li’l head about that. That’s what we’ve got FEMA for, ain’t it?

SLOW PUSH IN on Arnold’s horror-stricken eyes as memories well up within him. Burbling noise resolves. We hear reporters talking about breached levees, the words KATRINA and NEW ORLEANS drift up from the bustle of noise, as well as cries for help. Over it all comes the sound of choppers… My God, the people. All those people…

BUSH
Arnie? Are ya there, Arnie?

I’m one-hundred percent sure that that would win an Oscar for the lucky actor to play Governor Arnold. I await a call from Hollywood. Or the Governor’s mansion.

1 I choke every time I write that combination, but I can remember watching re-runs of “Laugh-In” where people laughed at the phrase “President Reagan.”

Saturday, June 24th, 2006

What have we learned?

If you haven’t read Files are Not for Sharing yet, then you need to get over to The Morning News and check out the children’s book the RIAA and MPAA hope will be an overnight smash.

A perfect satirical send-up of the RIAA/MPAA/MAFIAA attitude – especially considering that the book makes just about as much sense as the actual corporate arguments. Which is to say not much.

Tuesday, June 20th, 2006

10 Songs, if you please

I just got in from helping to set up the Renaissance Faire, and I’m feeling like I’ve been run over by a Mack Truck. And I get to wake up early tomorrow, don my all-black period costume, and walk about all day. Such fun, such fun.

Well, here’s 10 random lyrics for you to guess the song and the artist. I’ll just nip off and shoot meself.

  1. “There’s a restless feeling knocking at my door today.”
  2. “Press your space face close to mine, love.”
  3. “I’m good at repairs and I’m under each snare.”
  4. “Hear the dogs howling out of key to a hymn called ‘Faith and Misery’”
  5. “Capitalists, Communists, Terrorists – swear to God, I don’t know the difference.”
  6. “And I’m in love with you, but you are not with me.”
  7. Sunspot, “Scott Bakula [guessed by Thud] – “Ziggy says there’s a 98% chance that I’m a prick.”
  8. MC Chris, “Fett’s Vette” [guessed by Thud] – “Slice you open like a tauntaun, faster than the Autobahn.”
  9. “When I grab a pen I hear the theme song from Rocky.”
  1. Pink Floyd, “Run Like Hell” [guessed by Thud] – “If they catch you in the backseat trying to pick her lock…”

Friday, June 2nd, 2006